Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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