he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
