my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
