Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
