Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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