I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
