Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
