Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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