come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
