me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
