I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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