Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
