its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
