They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
