JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
