I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
