I faked an abortion last night.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
