it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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