Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
kristin has been a bad kristin
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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