Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
