I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
