So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
even my farts smell like vagina
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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