If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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