In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
