living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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