It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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