Fuck appropriateness.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
