Sry I called you an 8
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
