I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
