The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
