I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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