I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
