It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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