Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
