Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
