She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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