i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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