Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
