Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
