Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
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that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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