I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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