I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
