I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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