I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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