Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
