Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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