Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
