my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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