why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
