That's intense
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
