I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
