Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
