is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
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I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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