I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
