I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
