Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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