So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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