boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
