Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
