yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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