HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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