At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
