I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
