Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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