"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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