the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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