I wish I could punch you in the face.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
