Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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