oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
