I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Less talking, more tequila
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
