Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
