Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
