I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
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i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
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Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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