so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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