my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
