I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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